It’s that time of year! When we make predictions on how 32 NHL teams will do when we really only follow one or two and just pretend to be experts on the rest.

Some people have made long lucrative careers out of doing this! We call them Toronto based NHL media.

About a decade ago I used to actually follow all 30 teams and had a good idea of their NHL prospects. That was when I was at Last Word on Sports. I’ve been out of the hockey game for about a decade and really, the P.K. Subban trade to Nashville killed my interest in hockey for a while. I tried cheering other teams but really my heart wasn’t in it anymore.

Is my heart there now? I mean, not the way it used to be. Hockey isn’t a major part of my life anymore. It is something I’ll watch a ton of YouTube videos about and read takes and such but it’s like a slice. Just a slice. Won’t fill you but it’ll still be tasty.

So don’t take these predictions as anything other than some random bozo that pays for website hosting making NHL season predictions. All of them might be wrong. Most of them might be wrong. I’m more shooting to be right about one or two so I can go HAH SEE I KNEW IT and ignore all of the ones I got wrong. You know, like what everyone does. Okay! Let’s get cracking.

Oh also, point predictions? It’s pointless. Stop caring more about this than I do.

Western Conference

I’m going to start with the Conference I follow the least, though I have been following the Seattle Kraken casually so I’ve watched some games over the past few years. I got something of an idea.

Pacific Division

1. Vancouver Canucks
2. Vegas Golden Knights
3. Edmonton Oilers
4. Seattle Kraken
5. Los Angeles Kings
6. Calgary Flames
7. San Jose Sharks
8. Anaheim Ducks

I’ve seen some ridiculous predictions on the Edmonton Oilers and I know they had a bad start last year and still were able to rocket up the standings. I think the reverse happens this year. I think expectations are so high this year and Edmonton starts so strong they essentially exhaust themselves, deal with a bunch of injuries, and their goaltending fails them. They still make the playoffs but just not the way people predict.

I never doubt the Golden Knights. I love the Golden Knights. Everyone wants to make them the villain when they play by the rules. Stop complaining about them doing something every NHL team can do.

Vancouver wins the division but I’m not convinced they are one of the best teams in the NHL. Something about them feels… not solid. I don’t know. Maybe I’m hating. Should have traded Todd Bertuzzi to Montreal for Jose Theodore when you had the chance.

I think Joey Daccord has a big season for Seattle and Beniers bounces back from a sophomore slump. I think the Los Angeles Kings are a complete mess and whatever they were building towards is close to falling apart. They remind me of the San Jose Sharks a decade ago. Except, you know, they actually won once.

Flames are terrible. Sharks are terrible but will be less terrible. Anaheim Ducks though? Definitely going after that first overall pick.

Central Division

1. Dallas Stars
2. Colorado Avalanche
3. Nashville Predators
4. Winnipeg Jets
5. Minnesota Wild
6. Utah Yeti
7. St. Louis Blues
8. Chicago Blackhawks

Dallas was my Cup prediction last year. It’ll be my Cup prediction this year. I think if they stay healthy and add a little on the blueline they can go deep.

Colorado Avalanche need a better goalie (wow where have I heard that one before? Oh yeah it was me for years to Avs fans thinking Grubauer was enough) but they should still be one of the best regular season teams in the league. The day they get Landeskog back they will be back in Cup contention.

Nashville Predators were a surprise playoff team last year. Then they added Jonathan Marchessault and Steven Stamkos. You know who people don’t talk about? Gustav Nyquist. He had 75 points last year. Yeah! Nyquist! I think the Predators do great this season.

I am not a Winnipeg Jets fan and if they moved back to Atlanta I would be cool with that. If you’re a Winnipeg Jets fan feel free to hate me. I don’t care. Should have put a second team in Toronto or Montreal over giving Winnipeg a team. Your attendance issues are proof.

Oh yeah their hockey team. As usual, nobody chooses to come to Winnipeg so they can only trade for players and have done nothing to make their team better. They will bank on Iafallo and Vilardi getting better while Nikolaj Ehlers probably leaves in free agency. Wildcard team.

I saw someone had the Minnesota Wild having the same amount of points as Colorado this season and I thought that was ridiulous. I don’t have anything against the Wild. I just don’t think they are a playoff team.

Good on Utah for adding Sergachev, Durzi, and Marino. Logan Cooley had a pretty good season last year so it’ll be good to see how he develops.

Blues were hard to predict. They have enough talent to get to the playoffs but also too many guys locked up to make any significant changes. The most interesting thing is this is the last year before Robert Thomas and Jordan Kyrou’s no trade clauses kick in. Curious if they get shipped out if things go poorly.

Chicago still sucks. Stop acting like Bertuzzi is going to turn them around. Foolish. Foolish!

Eastern Conference

As a former Montreal Canadiens fan turned reborn Montreal Canadiens fan I of course follow the East closer than the West. I also have to seeing as I’m a river away from Detroit and in the sphere of influence of the Toronto Sports Media. Anyway.

Metropolitan Division

You would have thought they would have renamed this division by now…

1. New York Rangers
2. Carolina Hurricanes
3. Washington Capitals
4. New Jersey Devils
5. Philadelphia Flyers
6. New York Islanders
7. Columbus Blue Jackets
8. Pittsburgh Penguins

Rangers have to have a great year. If they don’t? Shesterkin could walk. If he walks it’s over for the Rags. So this is a do or die year and I think they do by winning the division.

Hurricanes have been a Cup pick for me for a few years but I’m done thinking their goaltending can get it done. Still should be a strong regular season team.

Washington Capitals… okay I know. Third. Crazy right? I don’t care. I love their additions. Okay I don’t love PLD but I can absolutely see him rebounding in Washington. They got Matt Roy because Toronto decided paying Timothy Lillygen $3M was better than signing Matt Roy for $6M. Jakob Chychrun a great add. Logan Thompson to platoon with Charlie Lindgren? Great move. Call me an idiot but I am all for Alex Ovechkin getting one more run here.

Now the team everyone is expecting to win the division: The New Jersey Devils! Listen I get it. Sheldon Keefe is a great regular season coach. They just need to be healthy. Makes sense to think they will bounce back. I do think they make the playoffs! But I also think Sheldon is overrated to hell as a coach and was coddled in Toronto. I doubt he has a great time in “The Real NHL” and this goes as well as the Devils hope. Or maybe I’m just hating. I really don’t like Sheldon Keefe and only hope for the worst for him.

I originally had the Flyers at 8^th. I figured the Torts magic always runs out after 2-3 seasons so this would be a good time for that to happen. It’s not like they have a good team there. But then I remembered Da Russians. Ivan Fedotov with a full season. Jett Luchanko… wait he isn’t Russian. Oh yes, Matvei Michkov! He’s going to win the Calder. He’s probably putting up 100 points. It wasn’t just Montreal who skipped over him! Yell about the other clubs that did!

I am rooting for Patrick Roy on the Islanders. If he’s coaching the Isles he never has to be in coaching Montreal rumours. The Islanders are not very good but hey I think this is a fine spot for them.

A lot of people have the Columbus Blue Jackets finishing last. One hockey reporter made an ass out of himself trying to use the Gaudreau Brothers tragedy to somehow “miracle” the team the first overall pick. Dork shit. I’ll have them finish seventh. Team needs a lot of work but I don’t hold anything against them.

The Pittsburgh Penguins on the other hand? I hope it ends up terrible for them. Crosby needs a big wakeup call. Nothing will ever get better in Pittsburgh. It’s only depression from here on out. Get out of Steel City. Same to Malkin. Same to all of them. It’s over. You need a full rebuild. Will Pittsburgh actually finish eighth? Likely not. But I’m still gonna hope for it.

Atlantic Division

1. Florida Panthers
2. Toronto Maple Leafs
3. Boston Bruins
4. Tampa Bay Lightning
5. Ottawa Senators
6. Montreal Canadiens
7. Buffalo Sabres
8. Detroit Red Wings

Let’s speed quick through the top four which I think will be the same for this season and maybe even next season. Florida Panthers are the best team in the conference. I was right about the Matthew Tkachuk trade. They could repeat. Toronto? Berube is a much better coach but the Mitch Marner stuff is going to be a black cloud over the team. Also think the goaltending is lacking. Boston will never die no matter much I want them to. Swayman should have signed a one year and hit free agency. I will be crazy and say no Stamkos or Sergachev ends up helping Tampa. Guentzel will put up 100 points and Geekie probably competes for the Calder.

Now. How did the league let Ottawa get away with trading for Ullmark? Really good trade. Not sure he sticks around but I bet he carries them into wildcard contention. David Perron was a real good add.

I have Montreal in sixth. Homer? Yes. But let me make something clear. I think 5-8 in the Atlantic will be separated by less than eight points. So when you see anyone here I’m not saying oh yeah they are 8^th and suck, they are 8^th in the most competitive division in the league. It’s going to be a bloodbath under fourth.

Habs still have a lot of work to do and I think teams like Detroit and Buffalo are closer but I like Montreal’s goaltending better than those teams. Habs will still deal with a thousand games lost to injury but I think once Patrick Laine returns he’s going to have a big year for the club. I also hope they figure out some way to bring Ivan Demidov in for the final few games. Who cares if it burns an ELC year. Do it for the vibes. Before you think I’m a total homer? I don’t think Montreal does anything until Brendan Gallagher, Josh Anderson, Joel Armia, Christian Dvorak, and Carey Price are off the books. $30 million bucks there. Once those deals are gone? The Habs will actually be competing.

Buffalo Sabres I’m once bitten twice shy. I had them making the playoffs last year. I won’t be predicting anything like that until they get a true starting goaltender. Buying out Jeff Skinner and replacing him with Jason Zucker was one of the dumbest moves that happened this summer. Skinner scored 24 goals last season. Zucker has done that once in the past five years. How is this team going to be competitive carrying a $6.4M cap hit in 26-27 on a guy no longer on the team? Absolute madness.

And now Detroit. Again, I have Detroit at the bottom but that doesn’t mean I think they are the worst team. I just think they will struggle at times. Losing one forward and their team falling apart last year tells me this club is not secure. Not only that but the weird goalie carousel? Maybe this is a punt year and they try to get Ullmark or Shesterkin in the summer. I still hate their defence. Chiarot? Petry? Maatta? Garbage. Gustafsson was a good pick up though. I just see them falling apart again.

Way Too Early/Stupid Playoff Predictions

Western Conference

(1) Dallas Stars versus (W2) Seattle Kraken
(2) Colorado Avalanche versus (3) Nashville Predators

(1) Vancouver Canucks versus (W1) Winnipeg Jets
(2) Vegas Golden Knights versus (3) Edmonton Oilers

Eastern Conference

(1) Florida Panthers versus (W2) Tampa Bay Lightning
(2) Toronto Maple Leafs versus (3) Boston Bruins

(1) New York Rangers versus (W1) New Jersey Devils
(2) Carolina Hurricanes versus (3) Washington Capitals

I will re-visit this in the spring and see how wrong I was.

Photo by Ian Robertson of the Community Archives of Belleville and Hastings County