Fumbling Towards Forty: Camping

My mom still asks me every time I go camping if I ever get sunstroke.

Fumbling Towards Forty: Prologue
Fumbling Towards Forty: The Internet

In the Tobermory Grotto. Someone stole that tanktop. Still sad about it. (2016)

You see when I was like three or four years old I got sunstroke when I went out camping with my dad. I don’t know exactly if I was camping or going fishing but I know I was out on the water and I passed out. I guess when I was young I used to pass out in the stroller any time we were out in the sun and it made my parents hyper aware of me being outside.

Growing up I didn’t really go camping from what I can recall. I had a bad experience once on a water slide so I refused to learn how to swim or go near water as a child. The most I would do was in the shallow area of the pool. I never properly learned how to swim and while I can keep myself relatively afloat I still tend to look like I’m about to die so it defeats the purpose. It’s one of those things I wish to learn but it seems difficult to find lessons for adults who didn’t learn to swim because they went down a waterslide funny and their father didn’t catch them at the bottom and it caused childhood trauma.

Sorry dad. Won’t ever let that one go! I don’t care if I looked funny!

I never went to summer camp or anything. I might have went camping once or twice but it didn’t leave an impression on me. I remember in eighth grade our teacher had us go to his cottage and we sort of slept overnight at a place that had multiple rooms for us. It was supposed to be a bonding moment between everyone. Like this was the last time we’d really be together like this at age fifteen. We would all be going to high school and maybe never see each other again or maybe grow apart. All I really remember from that was our teacher encouraging us to scare people by hiding in bushes then screaming. Oh and we all went on a bed in his cottage and broke it. At least I think we did. It was a long time ago. These are fuzzy memories.

Ignore my shirt. (2013)

Camping: The Beginning

Erik and I enjoying hot dogs (2006)

My first real camping experience as a young adult was around the final year of high school. Some of us might remember how we used to just, you know, go to someone’s house. We didn’t call first. We didn’t text because texting was in its infancy. We didn’t even message them on ICQ first. We just went over and saw how it went. I went to my friend Erik’s since it just after school ended to see what he was up to. When I got there he wasn’t home but his older brother Tyler was. Tyler asked me if I was interested in going camping. I asked if Erik was going and he said yeah. I said yeah sure. I told him where to pick me up. I went back home and waited. Tyler and Erik came by and asked me where my camping gear was.

I asked, camping gear?

So there I went for one or two days of camping with zero camping gear. I didn’t have a tent but they had sort of a community tent that was used over the picnic tables when it rained. I got to sleep on the floor. I didn’t have alcohol but Erik had a “community wine” at their house. It was terrible and I barely drank it. Someone was nice enough to share their beer with me. Erik drank the community wine. Erik vomited the community wine.

It’s fun to remember these camping experiences, especially since this weekend I’ll once again be going out on a camping adventure with Tyler and Erik. This is almost 20 years to the day of that happening. Almost every summer either with Erik or Tyler or someone else I’ve gone out camping. My gear has really improved in the past few years, but there’s been some years where I had to either get in someone else’s tent or use a tent that was barely able to stand.

My biggest issue with camping? The sleeping part. Never found a good sleep system. I recently spent money on a good quality inflatable mattress and an inflatable pillow. I tried sleeping on it as a test in my backyard. I think it messed up my back. And now I’m going out for another two nights! If I lose the ability to walk by Monday I’ll let you know. My usual trick is to just get really drunk. If I can black out and not take a leak in my tent then I had a pretty good night. I’ve mostly had good nights. I think.

Joel and Dennis in the Grotto (2013)

In 2006 I did another camping trip with Erik. This time was with our high school friend Dennis and a few others. Dennis and Erik now lived in London for college and I was in Windsor for, well, nothing. I originally moved to Windsor to go to school for pro wrestling (let me say just that and talk about pro wrestling another time. I waste enough of my life on it) but I abandoned the idea and in 2006 I was just living on my own and working at Wal-Mart. I actually hung out with Erik’s brother Tyler a lot in Windsor for 2005 and 2006 until he graduated. So there I was with Erik and Dennis with various friends. There was a tornado warning and our tents almost got blown away. We had to go in a nearby house (the camp site was a family members yard out in the country) during said tornado warning.

As I’ve mentioned Dennis, I have to mention the most embarrassing Dennis story. I’m sorry Dennis. Dennis is now married to a wonderful woman with fantastic kids but that’s why bachelors like me exist: to remember humiliating stories of when my married friends were also bachelors. Anyway! We went camping with Erik and Tyler and we had a pretty big crew together. The camp site was like a hill, or rather under the hill. Atop the hill were people with trailers. Sometimes the trailer folks would come down to see us drunk young adults. A couple girls came down once and one of them caught Dennis’ attention. He was trying to talk her up while other people in the tent were playing card games. At some point, Dennis asks the girl.

“So, can I have your MSN?”

And the girl replies:

“Are you worthy of my MSN?”

And Dennis, confused (AS ANYONE WOULD BE!) said, “Yeah, I guess?” which was clearly the wrong answer. We all just bursted laughing. I don’t know if the girl intended to be funny because I don’t remember her cracking up as well or acting like she was just busting his balls. She just straight up wanted to know if he was the Keymaster as she was the Gatekeeper.

I’m glad I now have this recorded. I’ve told the story enough times. I’m sorry Dennis!

My tent that had to be tied to a clothing line to keep from the almost tornado from blowing it away (2006)

Camping: Tobermory

The way back on the first Tobermory trip (2012)

Aside from embarrassing stories from the mid 2000s, Dennis is also responsible for the place I’ve camped at the most. The place I’ve camped the most is Tobermory. Tobermory is a few hours north from where I live, and if you’re not from Canada, it’s about four hours northwest of Toronto (there’s a little tail you’ll see looking at a map. At the top? Tobermory) and I first went back in 2012. Back then, Tobermory wasn’t what it is today. I mean, it looks exactly the same. But back then you could get a reservation the day of heading up there. We went during the week and there was nobody there. We had the park to ourselves.

The first time was a good example of us being idiots. We had two cars and we wanted to hike the edge. Instead of dropping off a car at our destined spot to end the hike, we just… walked. We walked around 12 kilometres and realized we now had to walk back. We completed 24 kilometres to get back to the site. My legs have never been so sore. We were smarter the next year we went. We went to The Grotto.

The Grotto is this area you have to climb down to right at the water up in Tobermory. You have to get to it through the Bruce National Park. It’s my favourite place in the world. I haven’t been to too many favourite places but The Grotto is it. It’s just a rock hole really. You can swim in it but not much else. You can though take some of the best photos you’ll ever take with natural lighting. I don’t know why I love it so much (maybe I just like taking photos of myself?) but I just love that Grotto. I breathe better there. It’s just nice to be there.

Me drinking beers in the Grotto (2016)

After that I started doing my own trips up to Tobermory. Someone else would drive and I would set up the reservation. I went one year with my friend Tyler (a different Tyler) in September and we once again went down to the Grotto. That was 2016. Erik, Dennis, Joel (who was at the tornado camping trip) went again in 2017. I went with Windsor friends in 2019. In 2020 I went twice. In 2021 I remember I had to use HipCamp, this app for finding private camp sites, because the Ontario government cancelled my reservation for some pandemic reason. We ended up on a campsite that was just someone’s farm. They had to scythe grass to give us a spot. It actually ended up an awesome camp site because the bugs disappeared after we started a fire and with nobody near us we could be loud and dumb drunks.

In 2022 I went camping multiple times. There was a canoe trip up the Saugeen River. Remember how I mentioned my mom asking me about sunstroke? Well I think I got sunstroke here. I might have just been hungover but I didn’t finish the canoe trip back to the cars. I ended up having to be left near a bridge and had to walk into town to be picked up. It actually was the best thing because I felt great after a bottle of water and some food in me. The bar I went to had the craziest posters at the urinals.

The Wismer House in Port Elgin (2022)

After that was a Tobermory trip with my nephew. It wasn’t originally supposed to be with him but I got two reservations back in February. Remember how I said Tobermory used to not be busy? Now it’s like going to see a concert. You have to wait in a queue in February just to reserve something at the Bruce National Park. So I had two spots and told friends to reserve the spots. And… well, they cancelled. Both times. So I had to scramble, and my nephew was cool enough to want to go. It was a nice trip with him.

Austin in the grotto (2022)

The next time in July was with some Windsor friends and a good time, but after the cancellations it made me want to leave Tobermory be. I do miss the Grotto and I miss going up there, but I’m just done with people who can’t keep a commitment. It’s very difficult to set up group events like this anymore at this age. You would think with modern technology, with phones basically molded into our hands with calendars and alerts, that we’d remember to do stuff like take a weekend off work for something planned months in advance. But nah.

I know I’m a bachelor with a flexible schedule complaining about my friends with kids and spouses and less flexible jobs but at the same time? Come on. 365 days in a year. You can make time on two of those days. Or at the very least? Stick to your commitment to commit to those days from a few months prior.

Okay I’m done ranting. About that.

Last year (2023) I didn’t go camping. I went hiking with my dad (we almost died when we decided to climb a hill instead of just walk backwards. It was like a 50 foot incline hill. He’s in his mid 60s and just survived cancer. When I say we almost died I’m not lying. We’re both dumb polaks) and I took some long bike rides but I didn’t really do camping. I took a break despite getting new camping gear like my tent and backpack.

So here I am in 2024 and this is going to be my first camping trip of the season. It’ll be like the canoe trip only this time I’ll be in a kayak. With a sore back. It should be better. I also probably have too much gear with me but whatever. I’m going to make this work. Or just get drunk and pass out to make it all worth it.

Tyler having the guts to jump off the cliff (2020)

Camping: “Why Spend So Much Money Pretending To Be Homeless?”

So. 2200 words later. What’s camping to me?

I think this was the trip I ate a pot cookie and hated the trip (2013)

Last time I talked about internet addiction. All the time I’ve spent tanning my face at the warm glow of a monitor screen. All this time I’ve spent in front of computers needs to balanced by something, right? Going out into the wilderness, or a campsite, and leaving the phone for just taking photos or music is a great way to recharge. I truly feel better after a few days outside.

It’s also a fantastic way to bond with friends. Erik, Tyler, Dennis, Joel, my Windsor friends (Tyler, Ryan, etc.), my nephew Austin, all of them I can say I’ve had experiences with them when camping that I’ll always remember something about. I can’t say I’ll be friends with everyone forever. You honestly shouldn’t be. Some people you should be able to let go of. I got photos of some of those people and while I’m happy we got to spend some experiences together on these camping trips? Those trips were also big eye openers to their behaviours and I’m kind of glad I won’t be on one with them ever again. It’s not that they are bad people. It’s that they probably weren’t right for me. I was just familiar with them. And spending a camping weekend with someone helps tell you that.

But the good ones? I’ll go camping with them any time it’s available. I worry about this trip this weekend because I hurt my back and I’m worried I’m either going to be useless kayaking or useless waking up in the morning. I actually wasn’t hungry after work and ended up stress eating a bit because I was worried how it would go, and I was of course delaying writing this. I hope it’s a better time than the canoe trip, and I hope my gear doesn’t make my back worse.

That all makes camping sound terrible, so let me get back to what makes camping great. You might hate the bugs. You might hate the sleeping arrangements. You might hate the weather dropping at night. You might hate the random costs (camping should be cheap and it isn’t) and you might hate having to lug so much gear around just to sleep somewhere. But it is all worth it when you share a camp fire with your closest buddies.

I’m sure I’ll camp a lot more in my forties. I’m sure I’ll go back to Tobermory. And yes mom, I’m sure I’ll get sunstroke again.

On acid in Tobermory. Called my dad to tell him. He had a laugh. Just like WHEN HE DIDN’T CATCH ME ON THE WATERSLIDE (2019)

Hopefully it’s less a fumbling towards forty and more a smooth sailing. Happy Camping!